Forgiving a Toxic Parent
In this post, I talked about forgiving a toxic parent. If you grew up in a house full of trauma and your parents were the source, you’re probably holding on to a lot of baggage. Trust me, I know the feeling.
For the majority of my adult life, I held on to my traumatic past. A part of me didn’t want to let go of the pain because I’d used it as a crutch for so long. Anytime I made a mistake or had a setback, I knew that my relationship with my parents was at the root. Only when I practiced forgiveness was I able to move forward.
How do I let go of resentment to my parents?
Dr Paul Coleman writes about four losses that lead to resentment, anger and sadness.
- Rejection
- Losing self-esteem
- Losing control
- Loss of safety and security
If you have a toxic parent, you probably connect with some of these losses in a way that is very painful. Dr. Coleman suggests accepting what happened to us in the past is a path to healing. We don’t have to believe our toxic parents were correct in their treatment of us, nor do we have to act as if everything is roses and butterflies. We do, however, need to accept that we were treated badly and we can’t change the past.
You have to decide that you want to live a good and fulfilling life in order to let go of resentment. Coming to the realization that you can’t change the past, but you can control your own future is life changing. We can still love our parents and respect them, but as adults, we have the power to set boundaries. Essentially, we have the ability to remain victims for the rest of our lives or commit to ourselves in the way our parents never did.
Why is it important to forgive your parents?
Forgiving your parents will be more for you than them. In fact, your parents may not even be sorry for the way they treated you over the years. They may deny any wrongdoing and even play the victim. By forgiving a toxic parent, you are releasing their hold over your life. You are making a commitment not to dwell on the past. You’re also deciding what the relationship with your toxic parent will be moving forward. This is a major step on your path to healing that will help you tremendously.
Click here to get your free template today!
Writing a Forgiveness Letter
One of the tools that I’ve used over the years when dealing with the trauma of my past is the forgiveness letter. Writing forgiveness letters to a toxic parent has helped me to clearly state the issues I have, release my parent from the responsibilities of my life, and state directly what my plans for the relationship are moving forward. I don’t send or share the letters I’ve written because I do this for me.
Writing is something that comes naturally to me and has been a major influence in my own healing. For those who need help with their own forgiveness letter, I’m offering a free forgiveness letter template to help get you started!
What do you write in a forgiveness letter?
This three-page guide will demonstrate the three major components of a forgiveness letter. The first page states why this may be an appropriate tool for your healing arsenal. The second page illustrates how you can clearly and concisely state your issues, express forgiveness, and tell your parents where you go from here. Finally, the third page is an example of a forgiveness letter in case you need to see it in action!
Conclusion
Because this is my most popular post, I wanted to release this tool to you and hopefully help you wherever you are in your healing journey. I hope you’ll sign up to receive this free printable. It is something that you can use over and over again to help you heal.
Did you try the forgiveness letter template? If so, please comment to let me know how it made you feel!